Hi so you might recognize me as that person who occasionally types really long drawn out posts about how confusing my gender is, and now I have made several of them, slowly crawling from one side of the binary to the other. But now, I'm sitting here wondering if I'm even part of the binary at all. So I've been thinking here for a while thinking about how damaging the binary is to society as one does, and I was suddenly wondering if I just hate the binary (see previous sentence) or if I'm quite literally agender, and not a gender in out or near the gender binary. Just, no gender at all. I mean, when I was young when my only worry was if my favorite color was a "boy" or "girl" color (remember when life was that simple?) I couldn't grasp why girls could like blue (the main "boy" color) but boys couldn't like pink ( the main "girl" color). Again, I didn't understand why boys could play these sports and act like this but girls can't. I couldn't understand why girls could wear this and boys couldn't etc. But at the same time, I was quite the hypocrite. I wore dresses daily and while I didn't like pink I liked purple and really played into those stereotypes. Anyway as a person who wears a binder almost every day (safely of course) and uses they/them pronouns and currently identifies as non-binary I wanted to know if there where any agender/similarly identifying people who felt similarly. Anyway, I don't really feel very... I don't know, connected... to the boy/girl gender stuff. That's mostly why I use non-binary as a label, because that's exactly what it is. Not a boy or a girl. But I feel like non-binary, quite .literally shorthand for not part of the binary, I almost feel like that's not really right either. Like the fact that it's called non-binary just feels like its still saying that there is a binary, and I just don't feel any connection the binary whatsoever. I might sound really stupid, being like "oh yeah I'm not part of the binary but I'm not non-binary because it means not part of the binary therefore I am agender" but like I'm just wondering if that makes sense to anyone? I know words like gender queer and libra gender and stuff exist, I just... head empty, no thoughts, only no gender. you know?
-River, They/Them