So, there's no doubt that I'm genderfluid; there is no chance in heaven that my gender is static. But no matter what gender I shift to, I always want to be treated like and referred to as a man.
Would this be the definition of linumgender? /genq
Would I be linumgender not doxigender? /genq
TW: Struggling with queer identity, OCD, internalized queerphobia, fear of rejection, family conflict, isolation, and despair
Growing up in the confines of a conservative Christian household, my journey into discovering my queer identity has been fraught with doubt and confusion. The weight of societal expectations and the teachings of my upbringing constantly loom over me, leaving me questioning every aspect of who I am. Despite feeling a connection to certain labels that others have placed upon me, none seem to quite encapsulate the complexity of my identity.
Compounding my struggle is the relentless grip of OCD, a relentless force that drives me to seek perfection in everything, including my self-identification. The constant need to neatly categorize myself to find the 'perfect' label only serves to exacerbate the turmoil within.
This internal battle has bred deep-seated fear and self-doubt—a crippling queerphobia that gnaws at my soul. The fear of not fitting neatly into societal norms, the fear of judgment and rejection from those closest to me—it all weighs heavily on my heart. In the midst of this turmoil, I am left feeling lost, alone, and endlessly searching for a sense of belonging in a world that seems determined to confine me to labels that never quite fit.
I find myself clinging desperately to labels like doxigender, fidelityflux, omniaspec, omnomi, and greyrose. These terms once offered solace and a sense of belonging in a world that often felt alienating and cruel. But now, they're nothing more than hollow shells, reminders of a happiness I can no longer grasp.
Every day is a struggle, a relentless battle against a gnawing emptiness that consumes me from within. I reach out for help and guidance, only to be met with dismissive remarks about gender being a mere social construct. But to me, it's so much more than that—it's a fundamental part of my identity and my existence.
I'm trapped in a perpetual state of confusion and despair, unable to find my way out of this suffocating darkness. The weight of isolation crushes me, leaving me drowning in a sea of loneliness and uncertainty.
I long for someone to understand, to offer a glimmer of hope in this endless sea of despair. But instead, I'm left to navigate this treacherous terrain alone, with nothing but my shattered dreams and broken heart to keep me company.
So I continue to cling to these labels, hoping against hope that they'll somehow bring me the peace and happiness I so desperately crave. But deep down, I know the truth—I'm lost, adrift in a world that refuses to see me for who I truly am.
Every night, I lie awake, grappling with the weight of my truth and suffocating under the burden of a secret I long to share. I ache to reveal the intricacies of my identity to my family, to reveal the kaleidoscope of my soul painted with hues they may never understand. But their staunch adherence to their Christian beliefs casts a shadow of doubt over my hopes for acceptance.
In the depths of my being, I am non-cishet. Yet, I am shackled by the fear of rejection and by the knowledge that their love may be conditional, contingent upon conformity to their narrow perceptions of normalcy. They might kick me out of my home or hurt me.
Desperation claws at my chest as I yearn to confide in someone, anyone, in the tangible world around me. But the walls of my reality are lined with queerphobia, trapping me in a prison of isolation. Instead, I seek solace in the digital embrace of strangers who offer labels as lifelines, attempting to capture the essence of my truth in mere words. Yet, these labels feel like ill-fitting garments, unable to encapsulate the complexity of my being, leaving me adrift in a sea of misunderstood identity.
So, I remain trapped in the silence of my suffering, longing for the day when I can break free from the chains of fear and stand unapologetically in the light of my authenticity. But until then, I am but a whisper in the wind, unheard and unseen by those who claim to love me most.
I believed I was finally on the path to healing and that the wounds inflicted upon my soul were gradually closing. I dared to hope that I was inching towards embracing my queer identity and finding solace in the truth of who I am. But it was all a mirage, a fleeting illusion of happiness that crumbled beneath the weight of reality. Instead of a journey towards self-acceptance, I find myself trapped in a cycle of doubt and insecurity.
Every step forward felt like a victory, a triumph over the shadows of self-doubt that haunted me. But now, as I stand amidst the ruins of my shattered illusions, I realize that those steps were merely stumbling blocks leading me further into the abyss of despair.
I thought I was ascending from the depths of despair, but with each passing day, the weight of my struggles feels heavier than ever. It's as if I'm sinking deeper than rock bottom, suffocating beneath the crushing weight of hopelessness. The promise of a brighter future feels like a distant dream, forever out of reach.
So here I am, lost in the darkness of my own mind, drowning in a sea of uncertainty and fear. The journey towards self-acceptance has become an endless battle, and I fear I may never find peace within myself.
I just… I don't know how to express this ache inside me. It's like I'm trapped in a whirlwind of identities, each one begging for recognition yet none seeming to fit quite right. I wish I could just shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone that I am doxigender, fidelityflux, omniaspec, omnomi, and greyrose. But it's not that simple.
Every time I try to explain, it's like I'm speaking a language no one understands. And it's not just those labels. I feel this pull towards genderfluid, bisexual, and aroace, each weaving its own thread into the tapestry of who I am.
But my mind... my mind won't let me rest. It's like a relentless taskmaster, demanding I streamline my identity into neat, tidy boxes. My OCD claws at me, urging me to minimize and simplify. So I try to condense it all into as few labels as possible, but even then, they're labels no one's ever heard of.
I've written them down, all of them, pouring my heart onto a Google Doc. But it's just for me—a private lamentation of my fragmented self. I want so desperately to share and to be seen, but I'm lost in this sea of confusion and isolation.
Why is gender so hard?
I thought I was doxigender, but I'm not so sure anymore.
I know my ‘base’ or whatever is male (trans). No matter what gender I am I'm always a male. But I also feel like a woman and non-binary.
Maybe I am doxigender… writing this out it would seem so…
I don't know anymore. Gender is to hard for my peanut brain. /j
The problem I'm having with settling down on a few labels revolves around the complexity and fluidity of my identity and my being. I'm exploring different aspects of my queer identity, and I've found a bunch of labels that describe different parts of who I am. However, navigating this vast array of labels can be overwhelming, especially when it comes to communicating my identity to others, especially non-queer people.
On one hand, I recognize the practicality of using simplified labels or a small number of terms to make conversations about my identity easier to have. Simplifying my labels can make it easier for others to understand my identity without overwhelming them with an extensive list of terms.
However, on the other hand, I'm very much struggling with the intense desire to accurately represent the complexity and nuances of my identity with over 100 labels. Each label I've discovered holds great significance to me and reflects a specific aspect of my identity, making it challenging to narrow down my labels to under 5.
After much contemplation and reflection, I've ultimately decided to strike a balance between simplicity and authenticity. By choosing to communicate my identity with the labels "he/they, doxigender, fidelityflux, omniaspec, omnomi, and greyrose," I'm effectively conveying major aspects of my queer identity while maintaining clarity and easy understanding for others. These labels encapsulate important dimensions of my identity. And if someone doesn't know what they mean, I can easily explain all 5 of them!
This decision allows me to honor the complexity of my identity while also recognizing the practicality of using a small number of labels in everyday conversations. By embracing these labels, I'm asserting my identity on my own terms and paving the way for more affirming interactions with others.
The reason why I like it so much is because I *am* a [trans] man, I kinda feel like a woman, and sometimes like a non-binary person. I am mainly afidelitous, but I can experience intense desire for demifidelitous, monofidelitous, and polyfidelitous types of relationships. I am a-spec in most, if not all, of my orientations. I am omni- in all of my orientations. And I experience romantic and sexual attraction infrequently, and when I do feel it, it’s very weak and can easily ‘break’ (like break off or break away. IDK, just a silly little way of thinking about it). So yes, this is me. *This* is who I am.
Can someone be *both* Fluidflux and Doxigender at the same time?
TW: bold letters, caps
So I'm back now. I'm not going to be as active as I was before, but you'll still see me around mainly just commenting on post.
So a lot has changed about me. Skip to the bottom of the post to see a TD;DR which is basically what I tell everyone I identify as.
Chosen Names
Nomifluid — A person's name changes over time.
Jayden
Juniper
Lee
Marley
Gender Identity
Agender — Lack of gender or minimal gender experience, encompassing various descriptors such as genderless, gender-neutral, or neutrally gendered.
Azurgirl — Someone who identifies as a girl or woman but also has a strong masculine aspect to their gender identity or expression.
Demiboy — Someone who feels partially male and partially another gender.
Demigirl — Someone who feels partially female and partially another gender.
Doxigender — One who predominantly identifies as male, partially as female, and to a lesser extent as non-binary.
Endoboy — One's sense of being male or masculine fluctuates alongside other gender identities.
Fluidflux — A gender experience that fluctuates both in identity (from one gender to another or to none) and intensity (from full to partial gender feelings).
Genderfluid — Where one's gender varies over time.
Genderflux — A fluid gender identity that fluctuates in intensity over time.
Gendervoid — Feeling a lack of gender where others typically experience a sense of identity.
Hemiboy — Exactly half male and half another gender.
Hemigirl — Exactly half female and half another gender.
Neogirl — A non-binary gender identity that aligns with femininity but exists outside the traditional gender binary, representing a new or distinct experience of womanhood.
Non-binary — A wide range of gender experiences that do not fit within the traditional binary framework.
Omnigender — Experiencing all genders while recognizing their distinctiveness, potentially involving feeling varying degrees or intensities of gender identities.
Perifluid — Fluidly shifting between various genders, including those associated with masculinity, femininity, neutrality, and genderlessness.
Revealfluid — One's gender fluidity expands as they discover and accept more genders, unable to experience genders they're unaware of, and only fully embracing their genderfluidity.
Sortaboy — Where someone is sort of a boy, but not quite.
Sortagirl — Where someone is sort of a girl, but not quite.
Tergender — Mix of male, female, and non-binary.
Tomboy — A female-aligned individual who expresses themselves in traditionally masculine ways.
Transgender — Inner sense of gender doesn't match the gender they were told they are when they were born.
Transmasculine — Somewhat or entirely masculine.
Woman — A term within the Western gender binary encompassing femininity or womanhood.
Gender Expression/Presentation
Androgynous — The simultaneous embodiment or display of qualities typically associated with both femininity and masculinity.
Expression Fluid/Presentationfluid — An individual's presentation shifts across various gender expressions, including feminine, masculine, androgynous, neutral, xenine, agenrine, outherine, and ineffaline.
Relationship Orientation
Fidelityflux — When someone's preferences for number of partners change between having no partners, conditional partnership, one partner, or multiple partners.
Monoflexible — Primarily inclined towards monogamous relationships but willing to explore polyamory.
Romantic Orientation
Abroromantic — Highly fluid romantic orientation, able to fluctuate between various romantic identities without limit.
Aegoromantic — Individuals who enjoy romantic concepts and fantasies but feel little to no desire for real-life romantic relationships or activities, often experiencing dissociation from their own involvement in such fantasies.
Fictoromantic — Romantic attraction to fictional characters.
Greyromantic — Infrequent or weak romantic attraction.
Idemromantic — Individuals who perceive no significant internal contrast between platonic and romantic emotions, often differentiating relationships as romantic or platonic based on external factors.
Keepromantic — Romantic attraction that swiftly dissipates upon rejection.
Omniromantic — Attraction to all genders, where individual preferences and experiences may influence attraction.
Orchidromantic — Feeling romantic attraction without the desire for or aversion to romantic relationships.
Platoniromantic — Difficulty in discerning between platonic and romantic feelings, often perceiving them as indistinguishable or occasionally confusing one for the other.
Reciproromantic — Experiencing romantic attraction when they know the other person is romantically interested in them first.
Sexual Orientation
Abrosexual — Highly fluid sexual orientation, able to fluctuate between various sexualities without limit.
Aegosexual — Individuals who enjoy sexual concepts and fantasies but feel little to no desire for real-life sexual relationships or activities, often experiencing dissociation from their own involvement in such fantasies.
Fictosexual — Sexual attraction to fictional characters.
Greysexual — Infrequent or weak sexual attraction.
Omnisexual — Attraction to all genders, where individual preferences and experiences may influence attraction.
Orchidsexual — Feeling sexual attraction without the desire for or aversion to sexual relationships, encompassing individuals who find others sexually attractive but prefer not to engage in sexual experiences.
Social Orientation
Aplatonic — Individuals who don't experience platonic attraction.
Omniplatonic — Platonic attraction to individuals of all genders, with gender influencing but not determining their attraction.
Sensual Orientation
Demisensual — Only experiencing attraction after forming a deep emotional connection.
Pansensual — Sensual attraction that encompasses all genders.
Aesthetic Orientation
Omniaesthetic — Aesthetic attraction to all genders while acknowledging that individual preferences may lean towards certain gender traits or preferences.
Attraction Preferences
Minic — People attracted to masculinity, whether it's masculine genders or presentations.
Pronouns
I use the following pronoun sets (listed from most to least favorite):
Faunpronominal — When someone feels comfortable with traditionally masculine and neutral pronouns, possibly using neopronouns too.
Correfluid — Someone whose pronouns always match their current gender identity.
Panpronominal — Embracing all pronouns, including standard sets and neopronouns, expressing active identification with any pronoun while possibly maintaining preferences among them.
Just so you know, I'm cool with all pronouns. My pronouns tend to shift from day to day, just like my gender! So, if you're unsure about what pronouns to use on a particular day, don't hesitate to ask me!
Other Labels
Aemotional — People who don't feel emotional attraction, meaning they don't experience romantic, platonic, or other types of emotional connections, and might engage in those activities without feeling emotions.
Agamous — Choosing not to be in relationships or get married.
Analterous — Not feeling attraction towards others, even though someone might still form close emotional bonds or relationships.
Androgyne — Both masculine and feminine, or somewhere in between.
Ficto-Partnering — Forming relationships with fictional characters.
Freedressing — Wearing clothes without worrying about if they're for boys or girls.
Libidoist — Someone who has a strong desire for sexual activity, regardless of their sexual orientation.
Non-partnering — Someone who doesn't want a big partnership with others.
Omniafluid — Being flexible in how you identify with pronouns, names, and expression, regardless of your gender.
Omniaspec — A-spec for every single type of orientations/attractions.
Omnimspec — People who are attracted to more than one gender in all aspects of their orientations/attractions.
Omnomi — Where one is omni- in all of their orientations/attractions.
Soft Romo — A relationship where there's some romantic feelings or actions, but not as intense as in regular romantic relationships, often happening when one person is romantically interested and the other isn't, or when there are changing levels of attraction or comfort with romantic stuff.
Fluitic — Unsure about their attraction or desires, especially when it keeps changing.
Greyrose — A person that is both greyromantic and greyasexual.
TL;DR
I identify as (SIMPLIFIED): Nomifluid (whatever I sign off as), Doxigender, Perifluid, Androgynous, Fidelityflux, Omniaspec, Omnomi, Greyrose, Minic, and Faunpronominal (or whatever I sign off as).
— Jayden (He/They)
