So, Ive always kinda felt.. weird about gender, I never really felt like a girl (I'm afab, to clarify), and I never really felt much like a boy ethier, I always kinda didn't like the idea of makeup, dresses, skirts, ect ect, I mostly liked the "boys side" of things, like more masc clothes, always kinda wanted short hair, ect, when I eventually grew older, I realized I kinda did feel like a boy, really wanted short hair and masc clothes, but sometimes I did feel like a girl, but it was rare, I started to realize that I was feeling gender dysphoria around 5 years old, but never thought I was a boy till I was about 11 or 12, around then is when covid started, so I couldn't really socialize and figure out who I like and who I truly was, I also started to identify as genderfluid, nonbinary, and many other identities such as demigirl, demiboy, ect back and forth until i settled with just trans male, for a long time, until I realized my gender was more fluid, and definitely not just male, i was really confused and frustrated with my gender at this point, i settled with genderfaunet for a very very long time till i got confused again, cause i realized my gender is a bit more complex then just genderfaunet, fastforward to a few days ago I decided on Genderfaer because I realized I was more connected to femininity, then I realized I'm more connected to femininity, and my gender isn't as fluid, since I've been through so many genders, mostly masc ones, came out, cut my hair, "changed" my name (not legally) and go by different pronouns, I feel as though "becoming" a girl again would be like a whole transitioning process again, so i decided on afab transfem, I feel a bit guilty using the term since i feel im not using it right, but i will probably get over that, i may or may not just decide on this identity, come out again, and live a good life, but i still gotta figure it out, anyways, this is the end of this essay, thank you for reading till the end, I appreciate it a whole lot, feel free to give any advice, opinions or anything on this essay, anyways, good luck out there y'all, and have a good evening/morning/night, the end.. - Finley, she/her