Trans Man

Hi it's me again, I kinda figured out what I am but I have a doubt: is there a gender for someone who identifies only as a trans (demi) boy and is very feminine in appearance and interests etc and likes it but also wants to be more masculine or I can just say that I am a feminine/GNC (gender non conforming) trans man? (I don't identify with any gender relating to femininity btw) (also I use both trans man and trans demiboy referring to myself)

-Taylor Apollo, he/him

Does ahnyone ave different ways I can bind without a binder?

I considered sports bras, but my mom told me that I can get really hot in those. The only place I can get anything is Amazon at the moment. I can't get trans tape because I'm not out yet. I thought of minimizer bras or compression bras, but I can't find any good ones that give me the result I want. The only thing I have right now is an old tank top I used for a play once. I can fold it to get my chest a bit smaller. But that's it! What things ywould ou recommend to make my chest smaller?

Is the hunger described on being on T really as intense as most people say? I've heard people say things like 5 meals a day isn't enough to satisfy their hunger, etc, and I feel like it seems so much more intense than it seems?

At some point in the future I'd like to start t, and I just wanted to know.

-Vincey, he/they

One of the many office ladies sat with me and asked me that she knows I want to be called jayden but it’s not on the school thing that they are allowed to call me that, so she was going to call my mom. She asked me about pronouns, and I said I don’t care what people call me, just only tell my mom about my name. She said okay. I'm still worried she’ll mention my pronouns. Which technically I don’t have any because I don’t care what people call me.

I’m still really scared though. Mom has started to hate my chosen name because people other than her are calling me it. So mom might have a negative output in the is. I’ve told her about changing on the school register and she got pretty upset and me.

Why does everyone at this school think I’m a trans man because I have a boy name and dress as a boy hahahaha!! But no seriously, I don’t understand why people think I’m a trans man (he/him) when I just have a gender neutral name and dress unisex.

I’m Jayden, non-binary, bi, and dresses unisex with any pronouns no preference.

For context, I live in a very conservative state, and my teacher said that she cannot call someone by a name or pronoun that is not on their birth certificate unless she gets permission by our parents. On the first day of school, she asked me if my birth name was my preferred name, and I said no and that I go by Jayden or Rowan, and she started to call me Jayden every single time without fail. She’s also started to call me all three pronouns (he/they/she) interchangeably (“all three pronouns” because any pronouns that are not these three pronouns are considered neopronouns). Mostly favoring he/him pronouns to address me even though you can very much tell that our body is female, even though I tend to dress unisex/androgynously. My mom did not consent to her calling me this. My mom doesn't know about the pronoun thing. Thank God!

Anyway.

What pronouns and gender does my math teacher even think I am? All I told her was that I go by a different name; I said nothing about my gender or pronouns. I have no pronoun pins or name tags or anything that could suggest my gender or pronouns are anything but the ones I was assigned at birth.

I think she thinks I'm trans (FtM). She calls me by he/him and Jayden is a popular male name, so… I mean, technically, I am.

My math teacher was tossing candy at people who got the answers right, and she tossed candy at the loud girl, and I'm sitting behind the loud girl, but she caught it before it hit me, and she said, "It was going to hit her… or him, or them!". It was nice and thoughtful. No one had ever corrected themselves to use the correct pronouns for me.

Community time at school was interesting! I walked out of math, and the counselor lady handed me a sticky note telling me to go to the teacher's lounge/counselor's office. I thought I was in trouble and was scared. It turns out I was just on the list for this week's activity. It was about resilience and self-care and cheap crappy stuff like that. We were going to make little boxes out of paper, then let them around, and someone would write something positive about us on the tiny little paper box. I refused to do those dumb little boxes because I wanted to be in the study hall reading about angels and demons. I was forced to come and do stupid arts and crafts. I was drawing on my arm when the counselor lady asked if she could do my box. I said I don't care, so she started cutting it out. She asked, "How do you spell your name? Is it with an 'en' or 'on'?" I said "En." I said I'm a writer, not an artist, so I didn't really want to do this little project, and she just went with it. So she just did it for me because she said she wasn't going to force someone to do something they didn't want to do. She made small talk with me, asking if I liked any podcasts. So I told her about The Basement Yard and Crime Junkie. She said she also listens to Crime Junkie, and we talked a bit about that. She passed the box around, and when it got to the loud girl, she said, "Who's box is this? Who are they?" the counselor lady walked up to the loud girl, looked at the box, and said, "Oh, that's Jayden's. He's over there." then she pointed to me. Later, someone asked the same question, asking who Jayden was. The counselor lady pointed at me and said, "Here! *chuckles* He's really quiet."

So people think I'm a transgender man just because my name is Jayden, which is not my birth name, and people know it's not my birth name.

I came home and told mom about how nobody knew my name and kept asking who Jayden was, and then mom blurted out, "That's probably because they know your real name!" that seriously pissed me off, and made me horrible feeling. She’s only started to hate my chosen name once I started to tell other people to call me by my chosen name and it’s not just something that my family uses to address me privately. I genuinely don’t understand why she’s acting like this all of a sudden.

I've realized that the whole pronoun thing at school doesn’t really affect me; I don’t care how people perceive my gender. Labels are important to me, not for others to understand me but for my own self-understanding. I could just explain how I feel in a sentence or two without using strict labels. Still, I like having a label just for myself, something private that helps me make sense of who I am.

I think I’m just going to go by Jayden from now on. But don’t quote me on this. Maybe I’ll only do it IRL, and go by Jayden and Rowan online?

— Jayden (they/them)

TW: Body/Chest Dysphoria, Depression

Huh. I've noticed recently that I've started to have dysphoria over my breasts.

I'm sick right now, and I am hot and sweaty, and it's giving me a panic attack because I am so hot and I can't be not hot, which is giving me a panic attack, so I'm having a panic attack because I'm sweaty and hot, which is giving me a panic attack, and it's just a cycle of never-ending suffering! So I took my shirt off to cool down and ***you don't even know how good being shirtless is!***

My breasts are big. I really hate them. I used some random tape (it's medical tape that my sister gave me a while back since she had a lot of it and didn't know what to do with the extra she didn't need) I found in my room to tape my breasts tight to my chest. It made them a lot smaller, but they are still noticeable.

I put my shirt on, saw that I was like 3 bra cup sizes smaller, and it was just like… wow… this looks and feels amazing! I look almost flat!!!

It's kind of hard to breathe. I feel kind of nauseous again but that's ****because I'm sick, not because of the tape thing****. Looking at that picture of my almost flat chest makes me feel so happy! I can look down and see my feet! My breasts aren't in the way!

It's so nice! I love this too much!

Maybe I should get top surgery…

Is it bad to bind with some medical tape? Medical tape is definitely not used for this. It's used to attach bandages, gauze, and other dressings to the skin around wounds. It's kind of hard to breathe, but I've never binded before, so I don't really know how to do it. I'm very much new to actually trying to look more like a man.

Yes, it is. I just didn't want to admit it because this was so nice having a flat-looking chest.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

I was depressed when I was wearing the medical tape, but it was like a cloudy day, but now that it's off, it's more like a storm cloud.

Now I'm just back to being a morbidly depressed woman.

Maybe I do really want top surgery… this has opened new doors to me… I have to think about some stuff now…

— Rowan (he/they/vae)

It's 1 in the morning, and dysphoria hates me, so you get to hear me rant about being feminine and how it's ruining my gender and thus my life.

TW: Dysphoria, caps

I wish I was AMAB so I could be a femboy. I want to be a femboy so BAD all of a sudden for no reason at all! Being a femboy just randomly popped into my head when I thought of myself and how I am a man, but wish to dress femininely.

Like I genuinely wish I looked like this one femboy I found online! The skinniness! The hair! The face shape! Just everything about this femboy is absolutely absolutely perfect, except that I like my boobs and don't wish to get top surgery!

I just feel so… validated and seen right now. Is this what I am? Is this who I really am? A person who has a masculine gender identity, but who chooses to present themselves femininely?

Maybe I'm luneboy.

Or maybe I'm just a femboy.

It feels like I have 2 forms: (there are 2 wolves inside you) tomboy and femboy… maybe I'm bigender, as sometimes it happens at the same time.

Feeling feminine is giving me gender euphoria instead of gender dysphoria like normal. But it's femininity in the way that boys are feminine, NOT in the way girls are feminine.

I feel a lot happier now! Ever since considering myself as a femboy it feels like something in my brain just clicked into place! It just feels so peaceful, ethereal, light, and just oh so amazing!

I want to be a goth/emo femboy!

I honestly hate how I look IRL. I just absolutely hate my appearance. But it's so hard to change, especially with how busy I am with everything going on IRL in my life right now.

IDK. Saying I'm a femboy brings me more gender euphoria.

I guess rosboy fits me more definition wise. I am a man who is feminine in appearance.

IDK what I want to look like. Feminine yes, but also masculine… I want to be a femboy and a tomboy at the same time. I'm not sure what to do… Is this a gender shift? Am I genderfluid?

I need to be punk! But I also want to be soft looking and wearing lots of pink!

I am much happier believing myself to be a feminine guy rather than a feminine girl.

Sometimes I feel like a masculine girl, feminine girl, a feminine boy, masculine guy, gender neutral, nothing at all, both a girl and a boy at the same time.

What label feels *right* to me?

Everything… and nothing all at the same time.

Well, I'm not a full man or woman, I'm kinda nothing, but also very feminine in the same way men are feminine in a girl way. I want my body to be that of a male (AMAB, cis man, whatever you want to call it) and I wish to be feminine in my gender presentation. I like everybody regardless of everything. If I find you attractive, which I most likely will, then I'm attracted to you, simple as that. I'm repulsed by the idea of personally engaging in sexual and romantic activity and having someone else sexually attracted to me (not romantically attracted to me, I'm more okay with that, but it's still pretty unwanted).

Rosboy, panromantic, and asexual?

Maybe my gender isn't anything related to being a girl and I just mixed up gender identity and gender presentation.

Why can't I be a feminine man? Nothing is saying I can't be but some mental block inside myself.

Am I actually non-binary or do I just like that word? How do I actually feel?

I can easily call myself lesbian, but I can never call myself even though I feel like a man no matter what I do I always have a female body. Again, it's some kind of mental block.

Whenever I consider calling myself demiboy, I feel… special? Why special? I've also considered this label many times, but not as many times as non-binary.

Genderfluid and pan? Non-binary and bi? Rosboy, panromantic, and aegosexual?

WHY IS IDENTITY SO HARD!?!??!?!?!?!

I'm a very truthful person, so lying about my identity and pretending to be something I'm not is not something I'm interested in, so I guess that's another reason why I want to find the perfect labels so bad.

Why is it so hard to accept my labels as me? I guess I do have internalized queerphobia but only towards myself. Other people are vibe so I don't care what they do or identify as.

Am I really he/she, or am I they/them, she/they, he/they? Expressing my thoughts through pronouns is a little easier than with words. She = woman, he = man, they = non-binary.

[rant over… for now at least]

— Rowan (they/them)

Is there a gender where you are a boy or miaspec but highly connected to femininity? You’re a boy, but you’re very feminine, both in gender identity and in presentation. You just have a very feminine energy and vibe and tone and aesthetic, but are completely a guy/male/miaspec/man/boy.

This outfit is so masculine! It makes me feel like a boy which makes me happy. Now if only I had a male genitalia and was not on my period. Then I would be *truly* happy.

iPhone contacts have the option to add a person's pronouns. I've known this for a while now, but now that I'm exploring my identity I really appreciate this.

I don't know why but I feel so blushy just thinking about my gender and pronouns. So, I saw this thing a while ago where a mentally stable person doesn't need a reason to live because that's not something they have ever thought of because of their content with their life, the same could be said about CisHet people. Would a CisHet person really think about their gender identity, sexuality, and pronouns *this* much? Is that something that ever crosses their minds? From comments I've seen on different sites, the answer is no. They said they have never really thought about it that much. So if I'm thinking about my identity this much, the chances are that I'm not CisHet.

— Rowan (he/they)

Okay, for a little context, after viewing some queerphobic media, I became completely, 100% CisHet for around 4 days now, but now I'm actually starting to question myself again, because I don't feel completely like a cisgender woman anymore.

I know more than anything that my life would be better if I were AMAB. I would have been so happy if I was born AMAB and identified as non-binary, but I don't wish to change my body. Mainly because I fear I won't like what my body will become when I finish HRT and the surgeries and won't be able to change back. I just fear that I won't like what I've become after transitioning, but it makes me feel so bad that I'm not actually male. Is this actually how I want my gender identity to be, or is this just a preference for what I want my body to be?

Would I not be genderfluid; when I believe that I shift to a man, is that my gender identity changed or is it just what I want my body to be?

I honestly don't know what my identity is, everything changes and it changes to where I believe myself to be fully queer, or that I'm fully CisHet.

Am I genderfluid, bisexual, and aroace? Transmasc, non-binary, heteroflexible, and greyrose? Am I really CisHet? I feel that my gender is relatively static; I am mainly attracted to males, but women are something that I would be interested in, but am not currently; and I do regularly feel romantic and sexual attraction, but it's very weak.

So… what am I? Because I’m not cis.

— Rowan (they/them)

I think it's importatnt to say that this *isn't* a genuine question, I'm just angry after talking to some Christian folks, and I'm lashing out. 

But comments would be nice, just explaining this to me or whatever else. 

Since being queer isn't a thing, apparently, can you explain this?

I was raised without electronics (and only use them nowadays for school) so it wasn't me hopping a trend. This was before I even knew LGBTQIA+ was a thing. I remember when I was a little less than 7 or so years old, I was playing with my Barbie dolls, and out of nowhere I started thinking that I couldn't understand or relate to girls at all. I only made friends with boys and cherished our time together, whereas when I was friends with girls, I hated it because they only liked girly things and I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried to force myself to like them. I've always related to boys and have always felt more masculine in my presentation as well as identity, more than I have ever felt feminine. I felt as though God had put me in the wrong body. Like he had made a mistake and just wanted to watch me suffer as I pretended to be a girl and pretended to like girly things.

So, since being queer isn't a thing (there is so much queerphobia/evil everywhere), what am I? Just a "high-level" tomboy?

TW: Dysphoria, the word "boobs", funky letters

One of my several favorite singers, Noahfinnce publicly came out as a transgender man in 2017 and as bisexual in 2020. I never knew or even suspected that he was trans.

I feel like I would be so much happier if I transitioned to a guy. Just looking at Noahfinnce's videos, where he isn't wearing a shirt, gives me a sense of calmness. Like, that's something I want. Something that would make me happier. He can go around without a shirt on and be perfectly fine. I can't do that because I have boobs. Sometimes I don't want boobs. The only time I like having boobs is when I'm feeling super feminine, and when I do that thing where I wear a baggy shirt and then pull it back, my boobs look huge, which is not good for my dysphoria! I'm 40DD; the average American breast size is 34DD. I like having breasts because they're nice for adult activities, but I can't pass as a man when I have basketballs attached to my chest.

I want to look something like this:

Or this:

Or this (I already have his hairstyle):

Or this:

I feel like I could pull off the second and last ones. They look somewhat feminine.

But nOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo I was cursed to look like this. I don’t like this. This makes me cringe. I knew there was a reason I didn't like having my picture taken.

I want to look like a cis boy, or be so androgynous, that when someone even attempts to figure out my gender, they explode.

Why couldn’t I have just been born a boy? My life would be so much better.

When summer rolls around and I have nothing to do, I’m going to start exercising. A loooooooooooooooooooooooong time ago when I asked how to look more masculine, a lot of people said having muscles can go a long way. And if you look at female bodybuilders, they do look a lot like a male if you just not show their face. You wouldn’t even be able to tell the difference. I usually can’t, until I see their face.

Trans Non-binary Man: A trans non-binary man is an individual whose gender identity does not entirely, always, or at all correspond with their assigned gender at birth and who identifies both as a man/boy and as non-binary.

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My friend, Rowan, has been having a lot of problems lately, both queerphobia from others—peers and family—and from himself, and this is just making him question everything—he isn't sure what he is anymore, and it's just causing him a lot of distress. He asked me to ask you guys the questions in a safe manner without his family knowing (they are //very// anti-queer). He just desperately needs answers so he can stop feeling so utterly horrible.

Rowan relates more to bisexuality stereotypes, but he feels pansexual. He relates more to non-binary and trans stereotypes, but he feels genderfluid. He doesn't relate to aroace stereotypes at all, but he kinda does feel aroace. Rowan knows that doesn't mean anything but that just upsets him.

Rowan said his entire queer identity—gender, attraction, and amory—can be described as nothing and everything all at the same time.

He said his gender is masculine, feminine, neutral, and genderless, and it can go from being fully that, to half that, to partially that, to sorta that, kinda, and nothing at all, but he isn't entirely sure if he is genderfluid as his gender has been mainly because Rowan's been agender/genderless/genderempty for 2 weeks now. He feels transmasculine most, if not all, of the time.

Rowan wanted me to ask if it's just better to use trans instead of non-binary or genderfluid, or if it's better to use non-binary instead of trans or genderfluid.

He likes non-binary, but it doesn't encapsulate the fluidity of his gender. He likes it, he's just not in love with it, ya know?

For sexuality, he feels like he's attracted to all genders. His 'preference' shifts without direction, which can be seen as genderblind, but sometimes his 'preference' stays the same for weeks, and other times it changes every few minutes because he's not attracted to all genders at the same time. He's attracted to people of any gender presentation regardless of gender identity. However, he finds himself mainly attracted to men, women, and non-binary people, but then again, he likes presentation—how a person looks—more than what they identify as. If someone's pretty, they're pretty.

But at the same time, I don't feel romantic or sexual attraction towards anyone. He feels romantic or sexual attraction often, but it's weak and can fade awake fast. He can go from being very closely allo to being apothi in seconds for no reason at all, but at the same time, he wants to date people, but he just can't get himself to feel romantically or sexually attracted to them. He feels allo in his head—when attracted to fictional characters—but in the real world, he can't get himself to feel those things. He can force himself, but it's artificial and weak.

Rowan can't tell if he's aroace or if it's just nonamory, because he can feel romantic and sexual attraction for a person, he just doesn't want to date them. So he doesn't know if he's on the allo end of the aroace spectrum or what.

Is Rowan just allo and nonamory, or is it the other way around?

He //really// wants to know what's going on with him.

I feel like I’m non-binary but in the way the boys are non-binary. Like, I feel like I’m a trans man that is non-binary. I want to pass as a cisgender man, but my gender identity is non-binary. Is that neoboy?

Am I both neoboy and neogirl? Because I already know that I’m neogirl. I have a strong connection to femininity and being a woman that is strictly outside the Western gender binary. That’s what being a neogirl means to me, and that’s how I experience it.

But would the first part of being neoboy? I'm just confused by that part.

— Rowan/Jayden (they/he)

So… if I grew up thinking of myself as "one of the boys," understood male topics more than female topics, liked more traditionally male things (this was the early 2000s, everything was either strictly "male" or "female," especially where I grew up), had the strong feeling that I was meant to be born a male, girls made no sense to me, I understood memes about being male and barely understood memes about being a girl, and considered myself a "high level" tomboy—does all that make me a trans man? I've never really felt female apart from the body I was born as, which makes me feel like I'm not man enough to be a trans man, which doesn't make sense, but apparently it makes sense to my dysphoria.

But at the same time, I don't feel male or female. I'm kinda just… me.

Changes with HRT with trans men: Increase in muscle tone, redistribution of body fat (less in hips/breasts, more in stomach), development of facial and body hair, deepening of the voice, male pattern baldness and receding hairline (for some people), increased sex drive, increased appetite, skin texture changes (coarser), clitoral growth, change in scent of bodily fluids, vaginal atrophy & dryness, end of periods/menstrual cycle, and acne.

I don't think I ever want to do HRT, but I don't like my body at all. I don't want to do HRT, I just want to be AMAB.