Hi All, so I’m gay and I’m also autistic. I think these are both important because I’ve always chosen to use the word gay because no other word (including queer, not sure why on that) has felt right to me. Like lesbian just didn’t feel right. Autistic people are known to have more varying gender identities as well.
So I was a “Tom boy” growing up. I never felt like a boy or felt any body dysphoria related to having a female body. However, I never felt any attachment to a gender as a woman or girl either. Since I never felt male I never considered any other gender even though I didn’t feel anything towards “my” gender. I felt so much disconnect to my socialized gender that when I was younger, before I was educated on politics and gender more, I considered myself like an anti-feminist because I just felt like I couldn’t connect to anything geared towards women. (Obviously, I now know you don’t need to be a woman to be a feminist and support feminist ideals). coming into my sexuality definitely like Made me feel more comfortable overall because I felt like I found a part of myself, but I still just feel 0 connection to any gender. I see more and more women especially having such a strong connection to women and I just don’t have that. I do in some senses like women’s experiences because obviously I’ve “been” a woman for 26 years, but that’s it. All of this seems to point to that I would be somewhere on the non-binary spectrum (I think?)
But here's where I get tripped up. This gender part of me is just very unimportant to me. I also feel very pronoun indifferent, I wouldn't care if someone called me a different pronoun. But me using the word "woman" to describe myself always felt incorrect. Girl felt okay I think, but woman seems to carry so much with it that doesn't fit me I guess, so when I have to say like "as a woman" or something like that it feels uncomfortable. Since there has been so much more awareness of gender identity and such I've always been a bit confused as to why people seem to care so much. Like why would it matter what gender you are or are not? That sort of points to agender, agenderflux, and also cassgender when I just read about but I guess isn't accepted yet as a true label.
The other thing I want to know about is people that haven't like come up about a gender because they kept their pronouns? has anyone done that?
Would love to hear inputs and any similar experiences! Sorry if any of this like isn't worded the best, I'm new to all this!