Okay. Let me start off with saying that ily /p and I am unfortunately far more stupid and childish than you are, so NO, I’m not gonna want to stop being your friend any time soon bestie, I mean it.
Secondly, you are not selfish for feeling bad, for being stressed, confused, not sure of anything. Unfortunately from 12 to 16 years old, human brains flip upside down and start doing circus tricks. I feel you. I have felt the exact same things and I’m still going through some of them. The “snap out of it, someone has it worse” mindset *does not work for everyone*. You can have a “good life”, financial stability, a good family, etc, and still suffer and have a hard time. (I’m speaking from experience- I have an objectively good and stable life, by all outside standards, but that doesn’t stop nor fix troubles of mental health)
I need you to know that *it’s okay to feel bad*. Your parents divorced, you are worried about your mother, a lot of stuff has happened in your life in the past year or so. It’s completely natural that you feel any form of upsetness.
It’s good that you tried therapy, and yes, it can be so incredibly stressful to share things you’ve been keeping bundled up. But it’s also okay that you recognized that it didn’t work for you.
I really don’t know what to say in regards to your brother- mine is similar, although he’s 15, and I’ve mostly stopped caring about him (although he goes to school, so it is easier for me)
If you’re unhappy with unschooling, just try to sit down and talk about it with your dad. That being said, don’t feel bad for not knowing “”important”” things like math and physics- I’ve gone to school most of my life, and though they taught us, I have no memory of it. What’s painted as important by a set curriculum isn’t necessarily all that important.
Yeah, school can be a good place to make friends and socialize, to spend time somewhere other than at home- but it can also be so, so, so stressful.
I recognize a lot of neurodivergency in you, and although it can be hard to get a diagnosis, it’s important do to or at least try. That being said, I have no idea how schools in your state are set up- I managed to last a year in high school because my school had accommodations for disabled kids- and that could make it harder too.
You’re right, it’s not healthy to keep things all in. But it can be just as hard to talk about them. So I am going to re-recommend Finch to you (it is seriously so helpful), but also suggest that whenever you feel… any kind of yucky, write it down. It doesn’t have to be cohesive. You can even draw it instead. Just put pen to paper and let those feelings out, because if you don’t, you might end up feeling nothing at all (like me) and that isn’t great either.
You are strong, you are wonderful and you are having a normal reaction to your surroundings and recent events. I get it, I feel bad for feeling bad a lot too. But you are not wrong nor selfish for having emotions.
Just.. vaguely human shaped, with a brain that is overflowing with chemicals.
(ps. You art is wonderful. It’s normal that you may not like it- I think every artist feels the same. But don’t you dare give up- because it’s not going to get better at all if you do.)
Im always here for you. There are online numbers you can talk to as well. You’re loved and amazing.
Four second in, four second hold, four seconds out.
Just remember to breathe
You can make it, one step and one breath at a time 🥺🫶
